It’s been a rough few weeks – I’ve written about it in more secret places, but on the 16th of November, Janna, my therapist / magic-spirit-mama / life guide (of 7 years now) took her own life. It’s been one of the most profound losses I’ve experienced, unbelievable in it’s finality. I’m trying to just remember how much I loved her, and carry her amazing, amazing lessons with me through everything.
So – in the middle of all this, the Professor and I moved into a new wee house – it’s perfect and I love it, but exhaustion and the week of chaos and moving and grief and Thanksgiving, of all things, has finally taken it’s toll. I’m currently curled on the sofa with my head in a whirl of “what to do next” – paint? unpack more? organize the closet? – but just wishing I was in the bath! Soon enough. In a way, the distraction of moving has been very welcome.
Here are some not-quite-unpacked preview photos, so get your inspiration ready to help me settle in & have a cozy lovely home. It’s looking a little fisherman-cottage-ish here, it’s actually quite bright and sunny in the day!
Fireplace! It’s dark & hard to see, but – the chair will be stripped of it’s psychedelic patchwork and reupholstered in natural linen (or maybe a dove grey velvet?), the couch which is now mod avocado green will be black, I will not actually have an iPod player on the mantle, the fireplace will be rubbed a matte black. I have to hem all the curtains, too.
Built in coat rack nook!
Dining room – need organizey holder things for the desk pigeonholes or whatever that’s called – ideas? Also need to redo the 4th chair (that matches the curvy one at the table) in black with the orange fabric, and paint the wood on the red leather chairs black, I think. This house is really turning into a hunting lodge, oh dear. Help!
Inspiration time! the following photos were scavenged from various sources, link me to more, please!
We’ve decided to try to build a bookshelf like this – we need one that’s just under 6 feet wide, so I figure it’s easier and much cheaper to build it myself. I just need to find a source for those balusters.
Ok, bring on the inspiration! I don’t look at home design blogs very often, so everything and anything is great! Blogs, Tumblr, magazine sites, whatever! & I’ll try not to feel too inadequate because I know I will never be fancy enough or clean enough for my house to look like the images!
LA
3 months ago
why are you reupholstering that fantastic chair?! i think bright things are what that space needs or else it just might end up looking like a hunting lodge. are you changing your decor style completely or just modifying it to accommodate the mister?
so sorry about your life guide. was she a licensed therapist? such a shame that more resources aren’t available for the helpers. every person in the helping professions should have a superior available to turn to if things become too heavy.
xx
verhext
3 months ago
The chair: It was done quickly for an art show, & hadn’t been holding up too well to use, so I want to rip it all off and get a tutorial and do it proper-like. Definitely also trying to give some respite from my style in the house – it’s pretty overwhelming right now and I feel badly about it!! He keeps joking about my doilies on everything. He’s very Victorian-Botanist-Jules-Verne – wood and clockworks. It’s interesting to mesh it all. When I bought the sofa it was with the intent to reupholster, so that’s not changing! The rug in front of the sofa, which you can’t see, is super bright kilim in diamond patterns – I’ll take a photo!
Janna was a licensed therapist, yes. I think there are some darknesses that no one can help – or rather, when we are in them, we forget how to call for help. There must be a switch that happens where all logical responses or resources are inaccessible by the brain? I can’t imagine you could go through with it otherwise. I have also learned in the last week that therapists actually have some of the highest rates of suicide. Frightening.
awc
3 months ago
i enjoyed looking at this photo and the next 10 after it. http://www.flickr.com/photos/28338696@N04/4101848542/ maybe you will too!
also, http://r-o-o-m-s.tumblr.com/ is mindblowingly amazing sometimes.
…i’m so sorry. i’ve been where you are… when a friend makes that choice it is the hardest feeling to bear in the world.
verhext
3 months ago
yes, i follow r-o-o-m-s on Tumblr! definitely need more people to follow, though. I love the Helena Christiananannsnsen house photos in that other link.
I’ve never had anyone I know so deliberately kill themselves – it really is so different and hard to grasp. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience it.
Anna @ D16
3 months ago
WOAH! It’s amazing!!! Seeeeeriosly, wow. I hope you’re able to make a home here for a good, long time. xox
verhext
3 months ago
I hope so too! It’s huge, and not too spendy for this area. I was looking at Door Sixteen for links to inspiration but couldn’t find too many obvious things, but your guest post about the other blogs was helpful…anything else? This is not my usual territory!
BTW, the rug in the work room is over a particle board, so we’re going to just leave it and layer rugs over it…we shall see.
Jesse
3 months ago
Ah, I love that bookcase idea. Would be tres awesome as a room divider, so you get that neat architectural look from both sides — I can see it kind of disppearing into the wall if it’s not lit properly.
Your house looks very cute in general, it already looks fabulous even though you’re still unpacking!
Lady Lavona
3 months ago
Hi Sweetness!
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. It will take time to put this into perspective. She will definitely need prayers to bring light to her…
Your new home really couldn’t happen at a better time…life truly does go on. I love the alchemy of co-habitation. You’re new space is beautiful!!! I love every nook and cranny…the fire place, exposed beams, and hardwood floors…so dreamy! It looks perfect already, I can’t wait to see any improvements you make!
love & magick!
xo Lavona
verhext
3 months ago
thank you! i have been trying to just experience how much i love her and not focus on the hurt of it. one of her friends wrote this about it, and it made sense to me: I think we did take her pain away. I think she offered it to us, and we took it on, to let her be free and released. This is how much pain that dear woman was carrying. It’s taking this many people and this much heartbreak to take it on and begin to work through it and transmute it. I think this is what she asked of us and how we are helping her.
annie
3 months ago
http://rooms.tumblr.com/ is another room tumblr – only maybe some of it is too weird-y, and not so much inspire-y? another possibly good resource could be flickr groups; on my first search i found this: http://www.flickr.com/groups/roomrorschach/pool/ “rooms as manifestations of psychological states” + http://www.flickr.com/groups/594755@N25/pool/ “period rooms”. word searches also: http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=vintage%20rooms&w=all
also, your new place is so much cuter than i imagined! ack. just bury my heart beneath the floorboards in that tiny nook. amazing!
verhext
3 months ago
come visit meeeee. i can stand up in that nook – i am a midgling.
roxi
3 months ago
your house is so lovely and cozy! i especially like the wee nook with the umbrella and broom in it. so perfect. and the fireplace. we have one but it doesn’t work, sadly. i never look at decorating stuff cause it makes me depressed; maybe if we actually live in one place for awhile we could get furniture to keep and then i would look at it.
i’m so sorry about your friend. it seems like she was a wonderful lady.
Jeannine
3 months ago
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart goes out to you.
As far as the design stuff goes, you might want to try N.E.E.T magazine’s blog. They post pics of peoples homes quite a bit and they can be very inspiring. Here it is: http://www.neetmagazine.com/blog/
Good luck and happy holidays to you!
Sealicious
3 months ago
Hello,
I was so sorry to hear about your loss
I hope you can find peace again soon
Feel free to peruse my tumblr:
http://sealiciousathome.tumblr.com/
I don’t know if we have the same “style” but i do love nature-inspired rooms!
Your new place is so charming, can’t wait to see more of it!
verhext
3 months ago
Thank you!
Your tumblr is great! I’m already drooling on that portable fireplace – that’s what I needed in Vermont!
Rachel
3 months ago
I am SO sorry for your loss, ratla. How overwhelming.
Also, congratulations on the move to this sweet new house. You can get turned wood table legs or banister posts for that bookshelf at woodworking supply places, Home Depot style stores, and hardware shops that cater to woodworkers. I might have to make one of those myself!
nath
3 months ago
oh Tamera. i’m sorry. that’s such awful painful news. a very dear friend lost both her father and brother to suicide. so i know a little of the grieving process and the questions and the longing for just a little more time with the person who is now gone. so i’m sorry that you are going through this.
your new nest looks like it’s coming along. we all need a safe warm place. i’ll find some links for you when i have a little more time.
be well and be strong.
Anna!
3 months ago
you have such a lovely little home to cozy up in! you will make it unspeakably beautiful, i’m sure.
you should be able to find the balusters at a lowe’s or home depot. i went shopping for dowels and found them close by once.
happy home making my sweet! i will send inspirations as i stumble upon them.
xoxo
verhext
3 months ago
next time you visit you can stay here!! i miss you so much.
mel d.
2 months ago
You asked for links:
http://endicottstudio.typepad.com/endicott_redux/2008/02/to-sleep-percha.html
http://endicottstudio.typepad.com/endicott_redux/crossgenre_arts/
mel d.
2 months ago
Oops, so sorry — that second link (above) was wrong. It should have been:
http://endicottstudio.typepad.com/endicott_redux/2008/02/sleeping-in-mag.html