I’m hitting that wall again where my soul aches to be in the woods, barefoot and wild. The city starts to become actually painful ears ringing from the loud sounds of people yelling, pollution choking, jangly skeleton nerves on edge and shaky, cafes, crowds, grocery shopping – everything just a cacophony of madness. I just want to dig my toes into the dirt next to a stream and feel deep deep silence and cool and calm. Being raised in the woods meant that when I first moved to a city, there were times of the day when I couldn’t leave my house for fear of all the people around! It was so strange to me.
photo via anoldent
Luckily I head back to Vermont in just under 2 weeks, to stay in my wee cabin for the 1st time ever!! Mine does not have shingles yet, and won’t until next year, but the inside is mostly finished and I will whitewash and find furniture and kitchen cabinets and hole up cozy against the November chill, spend hours digging in the stream, curl up on blankets in the leaves.
It’s strange to have lived so long in a place I feel I don’t belong to – the Bay Area is lovely in it’s way, but so expensive and detached from the seasons and rhythm of life that I feel disjointed and needing the mountains often. Something about the way we were raised in the mountains stays in your heart — my sister in law wrote this poem years ago and it resonates so deeply, it’s almost impossible to explain to anyone who didn’t grow up this way ~
We were raised here,
Somehow.
Among the trees and stones.
In a little world,
So different, so glad.
Among flannel shirts,
Cold rivers
And rusty pickup trucks.
Bending with the thistles.
Skinny dipping on
Heat-lightning nights.
photo by my sister-in-law (yesterday!)
Home-sick! And yet not feeling ready to go back and homestead there forever, still bound to the city in some way. How does one find a community, a true bonding family, in this modern world of meet-ups and Facebook? Where do we build our towns, spread out magic diaspora so scattered and connected by threads of energy and ether? I do crave community and coven! Saturday night the lovely Kate hosted a fireside witching party by the light of the waxing moon, spiced wine and incense, sloe gin, elderflower spirits, talking for hours. Soul-glue for rattled nerves.
tiny spirits
I actually like when it gets dark early, and shops and tea rooms are still open and glowing with warm light – winter cozy holiday feelings! I wish it was colder here, but…last night was long walks to bookshops and to À Côté for dessert — yum! and the newest issue of Doris, which will keep me going for awhile longer…
annie
4 months ago
“I actually like when it gets dark early, and shops and tea rooms are still open and glowing with warm light – winter cozy holiday feelings!”
yes yes. it’s funny, i get the opposite of s.a.d. – utter happiness and right-with-the-world feelings of cozy and warm wash over me at this time of the year. it feels like a quieter, happier time. tiny lights and huddling and being close enough for real secrets and sharing mittens. i want a witch party, but all the people i would want there are not here.
jennifer
4 months ago
definitely take lots of pictures to show us your adorable cabin
love the new site layout btw.
roxi
4 months ago
i think you would like my friend joanna’s book; she is from vermont, too – it is called “the mothering coven.”
i hope you have a lovely time at home!
verhext
4 months ago
ooh, i just ordered it. thanks!!!
andrea gutierrez
4 months ago
i am completely understand this entire entry. i often times feel the exact same way. i yearn for nature and i yearn for that special intimate closeness with true friends. i have a few friends but they are scattered, not tied to each other, just myself. i am actually going to try to begin get togethers in hopes that these ties extend from not just myself but to each other as well.
sounds like you had a wonderful time with your friends
Maryah
4 months ago
The cabin pic and description made me smile ~ Community building and potlucking with laughter have been a big focus of mine since moving from the big city of Vancouver (well big by our Canadian standards) to a smaller community on Vancouver Island. I believe that like life self-esteem, or a romantic relationship, community spirit and belonging need to be fostered. It seems that in an an electronic age people are more ego centric than ever and isolation is rampant. I try to use it as only a tool, but I giggle at this idea as I type away only an arm’s length from my love who does the same thing though we sit essentially in the silence of key strikes. I started a Potlucking group on Facebook and for the last year we have had a great many gatherings that have made me feel good about the world, and full in my tummy!
Annie
3 months ago
That poem, it’s perfect…I’m a Vermont baby too, living here again after a city stint. I know exactly how you feel. I don’t think I’ll stay, but it’s nice for now to be in the woods and have actual fall and jack frost windshield scrape mornings. We had some pretty pretty pretty days while you were in the state!
verhext
3 months ago
Annie: It was so nice, I didn’t want to come back to Oakland. And I miss my family terribly, just seeing them a few times a year is not really doing it for me. I want to move back for awhile, but need to figure out where I’d live and how it would work. Where did you live before? What made you decide to go back? I moved back in 2006 but didn’t even last a year!
alasdair
3 months ago
i return to open earth of Dartmoor, granite tors sky line. wooded valley, a summer murmor, winters rage, water cascade through & over boulders. weaving the path through mire, the scracth of gorse, bees in the heather, apples in valley orchards.
Violet Folklore
2 months ago
Tamera, I often think of you and your woodsy cabin desires, sending my good thoughts and energy out to support the creation of your dream. Your Tumblr photos have been very inspirational to me. I am still in grateful awe that I actually *am* living in a cottage in the forest finally. It is as wonderful as I always imagined.