It’s all flowers and geriatric living up in here lately. Brunch and Sunday drives, looking for treasures. This pewter jug was strangely appealing to me, & totally something my mom would have.
A set of 4 champagne coupes, for fancy living.
A glass and silverplate container to keep the cat from stealing my earrings and rings while I shower. A cameo earring went missing the 2nd day I had it, and it still hasn’t been found. Devil kitten.
Way too many bags. I don’t need them, but can’t seem to leave them. $2!! Come on! Treasure hunting without a shop to toss the overflow is a world of danger.
& a wee tusky necklace.
That was the treasure part. The hunting part is harder. I’ve been really listless and depressed, still. I still don’t know what sort of things I want to be doing. So much I read these days seems to expect that a lady of my age and means one should 1. have a self-owned business (etsy, etc) 2. be a pro-blogger or 3. make some babies. Or all 3, ideally. These are not things I want to do.
I’m used to having a certain cosmic clarity around my next-steps and path in life, and for the 1st time in a long time, I feel pretty floundering and lost.
I know much of my fuzziness is due to literal eye fuzziness, but it’s crazymaking to not have a focus. In the past, I’d make art or music or put on a show or start a new venture – but now, at 35, I feel like my decisions need to be BIG LIFE DECISIONS, like I’ve done all these one-off things & now every step has to be a major foundation for family and future. Is that married-head thoughts? Where is that coming from? It’s paralyzing because nothing feels like the right thing, like the right steps.
What I do know:
Financial security is important to me
I do want a family, though the idea of one right now is panic inducing
Vermont seems like Home
I need to start creating again – my fingers have been itching to paint
Maybe I don’t need a life plan through age 70 right now
Has anyone else experienced this? It seems like people are just chugging along with their ideas and life plans & I’m just like “Well, guess I’ll take a nap.” It’s pretty different from my usual mode of thought and has been happening for a year, and whoa. It’s really effecting my happiness.