One eyed blogging. I have an eyepatch on, like a pirate. The eye healing is going ok, but part of the process is that it swings way out, like a wall eyed pug. So that’s where I’m at now. Unfun.
It’s so hard for me to rest at all – I have to put everything on hold while this heals. I can’t work much, or walk around, & I certainly can’t job hunt or exercise or basically do anything. I shouldn’t be blogging either, but shhhh. I’m going “shack wacky” as my mother in law says.
Lying on the couch all week gave my brain too much space and I started being acutely aware of how much fear plays a part in my everyday life. When I think about 2011, I’d hoped to have this surgery out of the way and be moving forward in my career by now – but it took months for me to schedule the eye surgery. Why? Because I was petrified. I’ve been facing head on some of my biggest fears lately & forcing myself to overcome them, including this. It’s such a relief when it’s over but when I’m in the thick of it, my body shakes, my ears burn, my heart races. The sheer physical power fear has on my body is unbelievable. I might not have noticed how much fear is keeping me from LIVING if I hadn’t been so isolated all week – I have so many distractions on a daily basis that the low undercurrent of panic is ignored.
So it’s been really good to realize and face it and chase it out into the spring sunlight. And once my eyes heal, I hope I’ll be moving forward with better vision in more ways than one.