rest up

One eyed blogging. I have an eyepatch on, like a pirate. The eye healing is going ok, but part of the process is that it swings way out, like a wall eyed pug. So that’s where I’m at now. Unfun.

It’s so hard for me to rest at all – I have to put everything on hold while this heals. I can’t work much, or walk around, & I certainly can’t job hunt or exercise or basically do anything. I shouldn’t be blogging either, but shhhh. I’m going “shack wacky” as my mother in law says.

Lying on the couch all week gave my brain too much space and I started being acutely aware of how much fear plays a part in my everyday life. When I think about 2011, I’d hoped to have this surgery out of the way and be moving forward in my career by now – but it took months for me to schedule the eye surgery. Why? Because I was petrified. I’ve been facing head on some of my biggest fears lately & forcing myself to overcome them, including this. It’s such a relief when it’s over but when I’m in the thick of it, my body shakes, my ears burn, my heart races. The sheer physical power fear has on my body is unbelievable. I might not have noticed  how much fear is keeping me from LIVING if I hadn’t been so isolated all week – I have so many distractions on a daily basis that the low undercurrent of panic is ignored.

So it’s been really good to realize and face it and chase it out into the spring sunlight.  And once my eyes heal, I hope I’ll be moving forward with better vision in more ways than one.

16 Comments on rest up

  1. 'tine
    April 3, 2011 at 4:59 pm (3 years ago)

    Your post is amazingly spot on today. This whole weekend I, too was thinking about how fear, my own as well as others, has caused stagnation in my life. I also hope to see the path into the future a little more clearly without fear obscuring my view. Thank you again for such a thoughtful and well-timed post.

    Reply
  2. meghan
    April 3, 2011 at 5:07 pm (3 years ago)

    First, heal thy eye.
    Second, I have been living in the fear for the last 2 months or so and am starting to feel the spring chasing it out as well. We can do it. Can’t we?

    Reply
    • verhext
      April 3, 2011 at 5:13 pm (3 years ago)

      No fear for you! Only trust & being held by the magical universe, little mama.

      Reply
      • meghan
        April 4, 2011 at 3:28 pm (3 years ago)

        I have been thinking more about the fear and my dealings with it. I think that for me the first step is to acknowledge it and then live in that for a little while. Once I am feeling a little comfortable in that place I start thinking of every worst case senario, which ironically always makes me feel better.

        Reply
  3. Meg
    April 3, 2011 at 5:17 pm (3 years ago)

    Mmmmm. Is all. There is some fear going on over here too, though it’s not holding me back (my pushing through the fear is making me exhausted in fact). But fears for things I cannot control… ok, now I need to go have a nap.

    Loves. From here.

    Reply
  4. miss alix
    April 3, 2011 at 6:17 pm (3 years ago)

    i feel like as i get older i become more aware of my fears and i worry that they are just becoming stronger. but awareness is the only way to defeat them i suppose.

    you’ve made it through your surgery and are now on the mend. heal your eye, and your fears.

    hopefully you’ll have some sun and perhaps good music to help you towards recovery.

    Reply
  5. Laura
    April 3, 2011 at 6:23 pm (3 years ago)

    Glad to hear the surgery is over. I hope you have a quick recovery. I know what you mean about fear. Sometimes I joke and say that fear is all that stands between me and an extraordinary life, but I secretly know it really isn’t a joke at all…
    A healthy recovery to you and courage for us all!

    Reply
  6. johanna
    April 3, 2011 at 10:48 pm (3 years ago)

    I’m sending u get-well-greetings from Sweden…
    I love your blog!

    Reply
  7. jesse
    April 4, 2011 at 10:27 am (3 years ago)

    Moving through fears takes so much energy…the more I become aware of how my body acts/reacts in the state of fear, the more I realize how much support I need to face it. I use Havi’s techniques often: building safe rooms for the version of me that is intensely scared, http://www.fluentself.com/blog/calm-techniques/safe-rooms/.

    I hope your pirate eye heals up quickly and that all the panic ebbs and fades out soon. xo.

    Reply
    • verhext
      April 4, 2011 at 10:30 am (3 years ago)

      Woah, I’ve done this since I was a little kid, without knowing it was a “thing.” I should do it more consciously, for sure.

      Reply
  8. Angeliska
    April 4, 2011 at 12:08 pm (3 years ago)

    I feel you, sister. Been hibernating as much as I can, though spring is here and digging my hands in the dirt feels right and healing. Miss you, and sending fixings and mending spells to your little eye orb!
    xoxox

    Reply
  9. Dori Midnight
    April 4, 2011 at 5:10 pm (3 years ago)

    dearest one eyed witch friend,
    There is a little witch chant that goes, “Where there is fear, there is power,” which reminds us all that it is part of being human and a part of the life force moving through us, keeping us out of dangerous situations. We just don’t want to get stuck in it or think that it is the only thing to us.
    AND We are living in scary times! it makes so much sense that fear runs through our rivers in our bodies!
    I am sending you so much love, which is the best medicine for fear.
    xoxoxoxoxoxoox

    Reply
  10. lyn
    April 4, 2011 at 6:19 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh my. Isolation/inactivity usually eats away at the core of my being — I love your phrase about giving your mind too much space. Then again, sometimes these forced situations can actually show us a lot we didn’t know about ourselves previously.

    Glad you’re taking it easy and keep it up!

    Reply
  11. Johanna Wood
    April 6, 2011 at 5:39 pm (3 years ago)

    I’m so sorry to hear about your surgery. Listen to soothing music, take special care of yourself, and feel much, much better soon, Tamera…

    Reply
  12. ka
    April 7, 2011 at 8:58 pm (3 years ago)

    i’ve been thinking, and writing, about fear a lot this year. i’ve sure got enough of it. some of it is the socially-acceptable fear of things i can’t control (http://discerningdilettante.blogspot.com/2011/03/from-fear-to-gratitude.html), and other parts of it is deeper and less sensible and keeps me from things i love as well as things i’m afraid of. if you haven’t read brene brown already, i really recommend her. she talks about the physical symptoms, and the numbing, and subconsciously inflicted distractions. and give yourself some credit! you’re facing the fears and moving forward. some people bury and bury and bury their whole lives instead. health and hugs to you. :)

    Reply

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