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one year

So Monday was a year that we’ve been married. Pretty impressive for the grumpiest and least-marrying-type couple on the block, I’d say. We didn’t do anything special, but we will. Eventually.  I’m in a crazy funk that I cannot shake since this move – I think the move was really an amazing jump and I am so, so happy we did it, but it catapulted us into a place where we have to deal with things we weren’t expecting to quite so soon. Add a new job, a commute, Sean looking for work, having to buy a car, processing my brother’s divorce, figuring out our living situation – I’m just overwhelmed. I haven’t quite figured out that part in marriage where you don’t need to feel like you have to carry everything all the time always – that’s what being single for 34 years will do to you! It’s both the best thing in the world to realize you’re part of a team and also totally boggling in a “I’m not sure how this works” kind of way. But good. Very very good.

Between work and trying to get ready for winter (SOMUCHTOBEDONE) we haven’t had a lot of cozy us time. Hoping for a trip to Quebec City closer to the holidays, and a weekend without a monster list of chores.

How do you re-acclimate to such a different way of life when you’re still working at the whirlwind pace of the city? I keep reading Vermont blogs of people who don’t seem to have day jobs, and feeling wistfully jealous of the ability to stop & enjoy this place.

24 Comments

  1. I think that whatever the place and wherever you move from it takes about a year to re-acclimatise. Give it time, you’ll get there.

    Also, you’re both gorgeous.

  2. Happy Anniversary – your wedding was very beautiful. Everything about it – even the bar – was gorgeous. We moved here a year ago from north of Boston and family – and I have to say it was really tough – until the snow came. I thought the winter would make it worse – but it didn’t. I really got into cooking and trying to make the things that I couldn’t just go buy – without driving a minimum of 15 miles. It is an enormous life change – and I think it takes a little while. Sometimes I imagined myself in a little boat in rough water, hanging on, until things smoothed out, I knew they would, and eventually they did. Kind of silly, but somehow it helped.

    1. Really?!@ Even just moving a couple hours away? That makes me feel better, though I guess a lot of it really is the city > rural. I’ve been looking at photos of snow covered branches and fairy lights on front porches and that DOES make me feel better. Bring on the holidays!!

  3. Congrats on 1 year!

    We’re in the exact same situation over here. Married a year next Sunday and just moved cross country but from New England to the Bay area. It’s been really hard to get settled into a new life when most of our time is spent working. I just hope that much like when I moved to Massachusetts for the first time that things will work themselves out. Good luck to you!

    Also, if you get the chance I definitely recommend going for a hike some Saturday in VT. It’s a great time of year to be up in the mountains.

    1. I’ve been meaning to take a hike, we haven’t yet found the time, plus we’ve both been sick, which sucks. The weather is now that perfect atmospheric crispy-ness, so that’s good!

      I spent 15 years in SF before moving back home, so if you want any tips, let me know!

  4. Congrats! How the hell has it been a year already? Where does the time go? That’s such a cliched thing to say but damn. Last I noticed, it was June. Hope you get some quiet time soon.

  5. wow! one year already!!! congratulations and happy anniversary, you two!

    i recently described myself as having a string of bad days; also referred to as “life”… so, um, yeah… i think it’s going around. i hope you guys get feeling better soon, so you can go for a walk in the forest! that always makes me feel better.

  6. i think the funk is kind of universal…..in my world at least. everyone (including moi) is going through some weird cloudy weather. nonetheless, CONGRATS on one year. as someone who has been single for most of her life, and has only recently embraced domestic partnership, i know that’s quite a feat:)

  7. It takes me an embarrassingly long time to adjust to change. Just today, I was remarking on how I finally feel settled into the routine of not working. FIVE MONTHS LATER. It took me 5mos to get used to being home. I can’t imagine how long it would take me to adjust to all that you listed.

    Which is to say, give it time.

    1. My whole family is like this, we have a CRAZY reaction to change. Today I am just a ball of madness like I HATE THIS STATE I HATE EVERYTHING AHHHHHH! It will pass.

  8. When I moved back to LA, the first year was AWFUL, and I didn’t have anyone to lean on. And I kept thinking it was okay after I made it through that first lonely/hard/poor stretch… but it actually took a few years to really belong. It was home and not-home. And somewhere along the way, after a lot of efforts to meet people and do fun things (failed and successful) it happened. I’m home again. But it was much harder getting here that I thought, at it just took stubborn commitment to adventuring and socializing when I’d rather grump at home.

    We just took our first real time together since the honeymoon. We put aside the giant list of chores (it never really goes down, however much we work) and it was soooo worth it. I hope you get your VT outdoortime soon. Or your quebec city time away. Take it. Steal it back from your to-do list. Savor the anniversary and the stability you have in each other, even when the rest of life is so crazy. I know you will.

    1. Can’t you just come to VT and hang out and drink wine and give me smart lady advice? Doesn’t that sound good? Yes.

      Actually we’ll be in Palm Springs and probably flying into LA in February, we should have wine and chats.

  9. Happy anniversary! I love any excuse to look at your wedding photos.

    I feel you on finding relocation overwhelming. I hate change. I have to be dragged kicking and screaming to a new location and for about six solid months everything about my new locale frustrates me. It took me a year and a half to fall for our Boston neighborhood, which I now adore; it took me two years to not loathe suburban New Jersey with every fiber of my being. I know everyone else has said it, but give yourself time. I hope you get your Vermont fall hike soon!

  10. I’ve been wondering how the move’s been…Fall is a weird time anyway, my workmate pointed out today that the fabric between everyday and the spiritworld is thinner now and I think that explains some of the “Ennnngh!” feelings I feel and see in lots of people I know. VT is hard, and change is hard. You’re a tough one and it will be easier. It took about a year after moving down here to get used to it, and I’m still not 100%. But I’m trying to reach through the busy business of mundanity out to community and enjoyment and love. I’ll email you. Hang in there and enjoy the scenery on your commute…<3

  11. happy congratulations!!
    we just celebrated 2 years yesterday and I can tell you it’s EVEN BETTER.
    If it goes up algebraically… I can’t even imagine. also, that might not be what it’s called.

  12. That is a LOT of things to process at once, but know that things will get easier.

    When Drew (my then boyfriend/now husband) and I moved in together there were lots of other things going on too – we moved to a new city in a new state (where I had lived a few times before, but it was new to him), I was looking for a job, we were short on cash after the move, we were trying to get into the groove of living together…just a lot of things to deal with.

    Drew and I both had previous marriages, then lived alone. Not quite the same as being single for 34 years, but there were things we had to adjust to when we started living together. Even though we spent tons of time together before moving in, it was still weird to get accustomed to making decisions as a team, and also, like you mentioned, figuring out that we didn’t have to take on everything alone. We also realized that some of the ways we were communicating were based on our past relationships, not OUR relationship, which was pretty enlightening.

    Anyway, what I’m saying in my long-winded way, is that everything will fall into place. Sometimes it’s hard to see that when you’re in the madness, but one by one those issues will resolve themselves/you will process them, your load will become lighter, and you’ll feel more settled/like yourself again. :)

  13. i CAN’T BELIEVE it’s been a year. the weird thing about blogging alongside people on their journeys is their milestones start to kind of feel like your milestones. weird?

    well, congratulations. nay. A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to you.

  14. So um, happy belated anniversary. I’m a little uh, BEHIND in my blog reading. *shamefully hangs head*

    Do me a favor, will you? When you get all that doing stuff as a couple in a new place figured out, give me a jingle. I’d LOVE a little advice.

  15. You two look great in that photo! Congrats on one year of marriage! I just married my boyfriend of ten years a couple of months ago. I love what you wrote about not having to carry everything all of the time. I feel like I still have most of the responsibilities to make sure life goes smoothly and reading your post made me see that it doesn’t have to be that way. Thank you! And enjoy your next year of marriage!

  16. Egads! I just realized one thousand years have gone by since I’ve gotten to catch up on anything like friend blogs, but not having the time to read yours is particularly panging, because it always brings me so much joy!
    As soon as I finish with my deadlines for the week, I’m promising myself a long cozy tea date with your world.
    In the meantime – happy totally belated anniversary from your ever-loving priestess! One day I will actually go through all the photos we took and get to reminisce proper! I love you guys and miss you both so muchly. Congratulations on being adorable together and constantly inspiring! xoxoxo

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