fall to winter

Oh Vermont. Just back from hippie yoga and we did a meditation which I actually found really useful. It’s the basic concept of feeding the things you want to grow, with an autumnal twist – visualize a tree (or you know, if you want to hippie it up a notch, visualize yourself as a tree) where the roots are your ancestors, the base of you being here, and the branches are filled with the fruit of the past year. Some fruit is all nice and shiny and good and you want to pick it and some is all rotten and worm-filled and you want to let it fall to the ground and compost. & then the nice apples you can take and plant the seeds so the good things of this year can bloom and grow. BLOOM AND GROW, FOREVER. Ok, seriously though, I said it was hippie. Still. I’m so wound up and tense & holding on to the rotten shit that trying to put abstract ideas into a visual bucket is actually really helpful.

Realizing what was important and taking huge strides toward it

Feeling “in the moment” and trusting my instincts

Being there for family as they go through hard times

Being still “newlywed” in love through all the stress of moving and finding work

Surrounded by nature = amazing

Locking up old grief & not dealing with it

Trauma/stress from my old job

Fear around fertility issues

Control-clutchiness (fear around stability & money especially)

Not respecting my body with exercise and good food

What are you leaving behind this winter?


  1. Fear around fertility issues. Ouch, I relate.
    Also, bravo for being brave enough to admit to the bad apples. I understand that the difficulty of that at times cannot be understated.

  2. As I get older, I am increasingly embracing such “hippie” sentiments, and most of me is totally comforted by this while a little piece is just slightly unnerved to think of what younger me would say.

    Nevertheless, this is a really nice way to visualize personal baggage and I will have to make my own good fruit / bad apple list!

  3. Thanks for this post, and I second Shilo’s sentiments: it’s so brave to admit what you really need to let go. Bravo, indeed. I am not even sure I have the courage enough to do the same, but I’m going to try at some point this week! I’ll share when I work up enough gall. :)

    Perhaps that’s the first bad apple I’ve got to let go of — fear about emotional honesty with myself? hahaha.

    1. It helps, though, to pull them out. I realized when the yoga lady brought this up that I couldn’t really even NAME my bad apples, just knew that I was holding a lot of baggage. So drawing them out and figuring out what I was holding on to was super useful. I think I need to take more time where I sit & reflect.

  4. “Blossom of snow, may you bloom and grow”!

    Man, tossing that emotional baggage can be really difficult. In the past few years, I’ve tried to employ a sort of “renewal” system for the stuff that gets me down, shit that is holding me back, and -of course- personal grudges. For those, I give myself 4 years to unabashedly dislike someone for whatever perceived slight they caused me. After that, I have to ask myself if my reason for dislike is actually valid anymore. Usually, it’s not and I realize that I’ve been acting a fool over something that has no real effect on my life. Letting all of that stuff float away feels real nice. Viva emotional house cleaning!

  5. Improvement to the idea:
    When the rotten, worm-filled, gross apples fall to the ground they actually decompose and release their seeds to the soil, where the seeds may then sprout.
    Metaphor: even good things can come from the bad.

  6. Great post. I am going to use this idea to help me meditate in the mornings, and use the positive thoughts and as I exercise. I’m not a yoga person but I think the mindfulness works in any situation.

    You should be really proud of yourself for committing to doing hard work to better yourself. It’s awesome.

  7. I am thinking now. These days, I swinging so much between the awful-bad and the very very good. I’m clearly holding onto a lot and can see how this visualization would help.

    Also, I love the good things you’re holding onto. From the outside, I remain in awe of what you’ve accomplished and your bravery and wisdom over the last year. It doesn’t make the bad apples any less bad, but your good fruit is so strong and vital.

  8. I love this sentiment, I need to bring some meditation into my life again, yoga alone isn’t quite cutting it. My bad apple – looking at pregnant women and calculating that i’d be X many weeks now too if I didn’t miscarry. Not a healthy headspace, that’s for sure.

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