do what thou wilt

These photos and the ones in the previous post are by my very talented sister-in-law, but my good friend Jeremy also took a milliioooonnnn photos.  I won’t get to see Jeremy’s until the first week of November because he’s traveling, so I want to wait to do the grand mega-crazy wedding blog post with all the details explained. Until then, a tiny rundown, and loads of honeymoon photos to come.

bowtie2As I walked down the little hill out into the clearing for the ceremony, I was in shock – the picnic deck my brother built, the ‘fairy court’ bridesmaids in their taupe and grey dresses, the crystals in the trees, the way Sean’s eyes were bright, bright blue with emotion – it took my breath away. It was exactly what I pictured and yet so, so much more magical at the same time. It’s hard to be patient and shut up about it until I get Jeremy’s photos back!!

archery(That’s me showing off my archery skills. & the dress + stance is giving me booty implants. It did not look like this the whole time, don’t fret.)

Until then, for ye brides-to-be, here’s some things I wish I paid more attention to. Not that anyone else would be so weirdly cavalier about traditional “important” things – I’m SO happy with how it all worked out, but you know. In case you’re wondering what I would go back and change. Is there a word for a lazy perfectionist?

1. My veil. I threw a piece of net on my head 2 seconds before walking down the ‘aisle’ without looking at a mirror. Why did I do this? A cute headpiece could have easily been hand sewn in downtime or on the plane, or whatever. This boggles me. I think I actually just FORGOT about having to have a veil.

2. The dress. My sewing machine broke without time or money to have it repaired and I ended up having to make it in a week at my moms while trying to do EVERYTHING else. So, instead of being able to drape a gorgeous skirt on my dress form, I ended up doing it from a hanger. I really, really wish I’d honored the occasion & the very expensive fabric by starting early enough to fix my machine and do it right.

3. The flowers. I did not order in advance, so I was stuck with what I could order the day before – not much in Vermont. Grabbed chickens&hens from my mom, thank goodness. I also cut the dusty miller incorrectly so it wilted SUPER fast. Boo.

4. I spent the whole ceremony with the side of my face that I don’t like (scar, weird TMJ jaw clench) facing everyone. This sounds totally dumb & of course I didn’t think of it in the moment (duh, I was busy crying and moon-eyeing Sean) but it does look like a grimace from certain angles so I hope I don’t have a lot of grimacing wedding photos.

5. We bought/made WAY too much alcohol & food – it didn’t cost as much as I estimated  – so I also could have invited more people than I did. This kind of sucks a lot. Also I could have eaten more – it was beyond delicious and I barely had anything. Menu to come! I seriously could not believe how amazing it was.

6. I bought a slew of really cute vintage hankies to have on hand, especially for the ladies, and I forgot them! Maybe I will mail them to everyone with thank you notes – except I think they’re in VT. Dang.

7. I didn’t wear Spanx and I forgot to suck in my belly. Kidding!! But the black Spanx tights I brought showed through the dress even though it was well lined & the only other thing I had with me was over the knee socks. Which looked flappery and cute but fell down a lot, and I probably would have exfoliated or something had I known I was going to wear them.

8. Wedding diet? I didn’t. At all. I gained 10 lbs from the time I was engaged to the wedding. This doesn’t seem like a lot but for me it’s about a size and a half. The days before, I was eating pasta, pizza, anything I could inbetween stress stints. Which, being super gluten intolerant, left me pretty dang ill for my wedding night. Hot stuff.

9. People drove for hours and flew across the country and I barely got to hang with them. I know it’s common at weddings, but it still made me sad! Still, seeing everyone and feeling the love was astounding.

10. I tried to plan a million outings and only one (the vintage train ride) came through. I had left too much (most of it inevitable as I only had a week at the location to get everything together) until the last minute, so ALL my time was taken up, and I had to skip a surprise bridal shower the day before the wedding. Very upsetting.

What did you love the most about your wedding? What would you change?


  1. Thanks for your honest reflection. A number of these hit kind of close to home. I haven’t started my dress, and since I’m not that great of a sewer, I really, really need to take advantage of the rest of the time remaining. And I’ve also gained weight since getting engaged — about 13 pounds. I am small and petite, so this is a real issue for me since a lot of my clothes no longer fit! We’re planning a wedding in a different location than where we live like you, so the points about the flowers and planning lots of outings are duly noted.

    But even with all these issues, I’m sure it was absolutely wonderful. I can’t wait to hear about the magic illustrated by your friend’s photos!

    1. It was beyond wonderful!! I’m just the kind of person who likes to analyze, maybe a little too much! Plus, other peoples post-wedding thoughts totally helped me, so I thought maybe these would help someone else.

  2. Awww… it is so much more of a whirlwind than you think it will be, isn’t it? I can’t wait to see more of your photos too! Everything looks so thoughtful and amazing.

    Here are my wedding reflections:

    1. I wish I would have considered my dress more. I looked really frumpy because I just threw on a not-wedding-appropriate vintage granny dress. I never REALLY thought about getting married, so when I found myself being a bride, it was a little baffling.

    2. I wish I would have made my hairdresser friend redo my hair when I didn’t like it at all, even if it would have made us late to the venue. It was uncomfortable, not even close to what I wanted and added to the blah frumpitude of my look.

    3. I wish I would have known I would end up being such a crybaby. I burst into tears from emotion when I entered the room and saw over 100 faces that I hadn’t seen in so long and love so much staring at me. I had no hanky and the waterworks kept going the entire time we were on the stage. I had been teasing my husband for months that he would be the crier, so not true. OMG.

    4. I wish I would have eaten more of the yummy food too! I didn’t forget to drink Champagne though. I ended up totally shitfaced within an hour, just sort of gesticulating with a wedge of sandwich.

    5. There was A LOT of twirling and hugging (so much so that my “hugging and smile muscles” hurt the next day), but I feel like I didn’t get to have any real conversations with anyone.

    All in all the wedding was amazing though. Everyone cried, even the curmudgeons. My friend was the DJ and played the old psych, Brit pop, baroque pop and Northern Soul that I love so much. We did it cheap and got to take a longer honeymoon. My generous friends surprised me by filling in the gaps for things that didn’t occur to me… like candles, sweet souvenirs and fresh flowers. Other than that–I don’t remember much else!

  3. Good call about the angle for photos….I didn’t consider that either and wish that I had given my photographer some instructions beforehand. Congrats, lady! Vermont weddings are the best.

  4. I never would have guessed the veil wasn’t planned. The pic of you & he cutting the cake? That last-minute-not-thinking thing looks PERFECT!

  5. These photos are gorgeous and I can’t wait to see more more MORE!

    Things I regret (kinda) about my very-hastily planned wedding.
    1. I didn’t wear a bra. My dress was fitted enough that everything was held securely up and in place, but I never go without in regular life so I was very conscious of my lack of underpinnings on the day of. It sounds silly, but I wish I would have just bought something so I could have forgotten about my boobs that day.
    2. I started fixing my hair like an hour before the wedding and it ended up way poofier than I like. It was an elopement so I was being cool and laid-back about everything like it was no bigs, but in retrospect I look at the photos and think about how if I did my hair just a couple hours earlier, it would have looked how I like it to look.
    3. Our photos sucked. I wish I had asked our photographer friend to take more than the quick snaps he snuck in. Turns out he wanted to take more and the person doing our official photos sucked and had a broken camera. As a result we have about 3 good photos of me and none of my husband.

    Things I loved:
    1. The giant swordfish dinner I ate.
    2. The endless champagne and dancing of our friends
    3. That the party got so loose that someone actually did the worm
    4. That we spent less than five hundred bucks on the whole thing
    5. My new husband (barf, I know)


  6. I’m sure there were things I wish I could’ve changed for my wedding day but I can’t remember them except two minor ones — I bought all these sweet candle holders and I just forgot to set them up… but it ended up not mattering in the long run. I also didn’t tell my photographer I had a reception dress so she photographed the ceremony dress all prettily and then I changed into my way more awesome reception dress and there are no artistic shots of it on a hanger… but that’s not a big deal either.

    I can’t wait for your giant write-up! So excited!

  7. Congrats Tamara! Can’t wait to see more pics. I’m sure everything was spectacular– with all your creativity, vision and ingenuity, it would have been entirely magical even if you forgot half the amazing things you’d planned. Um.. that was meant to be a compliment. Anyway, enjoy your honeymoon, I hope to see you soon oxoxox

    1. Well now, I’d say asking for respect and privacy around an emotional, family based ceremony isn’t half as crass as leaving nasty anonymous comments on a blog. At least I can say I’d never done that.

      I’d considered asking for no photography at all, and I’m now thinking I should have stuck to that. We both have a number of family members who do not want to have photographs of themselves online, neither of us are very comfortable in front of a camera, I don’t want any photos of the ceremony portion online at all, ever, and I’d really like to limit what is spread across the internet of the day that is one of the most important, emotional, and private in my life. Why is that hard to comprehend? Seems pretty basic to me.

  8. Tamera, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. least of all someone who doesn’t even have the decency to post comments using their own name.

    why should every detail of our lives be repackaged and consumed? why shouldn’t you keep some things sacred and private? i think you have made the right decision not to overshare, especially if you’re not comfortable with it.

    you have conducted yourself with grace and beauty as always, i say waste no more time on comments concerned only with negativity.

    hope Ireland is green and good and glorious XXX

  9. Erm .. YEAH ! That IS pretty basic, Tam. And common decency would be that one wouldn’t even question that sort of thing …

    Everything I’ve seen so far looks magical & stunning and I’m actually glad that you could only find 10 things you’d want to change ! That is very little !

    x x x

  10. Your wedding looks stunning! And so do you. It’s been a joy and a privilege to see what you have shared. I’ve loved all of it. I’ve never thought I would have a very traditional wedding either so reading about yours has been both inspirational and encouraging. I also find it refreshing that you mention your recognition of keeping parts of your glorious day private and sacred. Good for you and congratulations! I hope your time in Ireland is just wonderful.

  11. Congratulations!!! It looks like it was a lovely day, and you look wonderful above, straight out of a Rackham illustration I think. Have a brilliant time in Ireland!

  12. Congratulations!!!! I’m so happy it turned out so wonderful :) I too, would like to hear more about the vintage train ride, it sounds dreamy.

    I just wish I could experience the day again- it went by so heartbreakingly fast, and it seems like such a blur now!

    But I do love the hilarious/sketchy stories of things that occurred that night that are still emerging 2 months later!

  13. Oh girl… I feel it! I, too, gained weight and my arms look like sausages in every photo. Le sigh. I remembered my mom’s frenzy of dress-finishing for my sister’s wedding, so I didn’t have that issue. Mine was complete a good 2 weeks before the wedding.

    1) Because I wanted to “save money” by doing a lot myself, the day before the wedding was still a frenzy and the big night could not have happened without hours of crazy help from many friends. I wish I would have known at the beginning how much doing everything myself actually cost. I would have just hired people. Seeing my true friends coming to the rescue and having time to bond with them, as hectic as things were, was really awesome though.

    2) More people. We did not hire enough people (or maybe just enough experienced people) to help the buffet run smoothly. It was a mess. My entire side of the family didn’t eat because they thought we had run out of food (but really the serving dishes just weren’t being replenished as they should have been) and didn’t want to ASK and stress me out.

    3) Food. We bought wayyyyy too much. We were already 10 people over the room’s limit, though, so we couldn’t have invited more people. Should have just ordered less food. Though the food we did have was awwweesome. All of our favorite dishes from restaurants around town, plus a couple of my “famous” items that my sister and I made a couple of nights before.

    4) Weather. I wish we hadn’t married in July. It was too dang hot. But we were anxious and didn’t want to wait til the fall. So we missed out on the outdoor photos that I rrrrreally wanted. I have seriously considered making our party and family recreate the night now that it’s cooler so we can get those photos. Plus, everyone looks like crap in the dance party photos because we’re all sweating like crazy and it was just generally uncomfortable the entire night because the AC just couldn’t fully keep up.

    5) One very special photo of my college girlfriends. I was next-to-last to get married and everyone has a fantastic photo of our group at her wedding. Except me. :( Again, with the serious considerations of demanding a re-do.

    6) Our hotel. The incompetent dude at our group hotel forgot to book our room and there was a convention in town. When we showed up at 2am, there were no rooms and the staff on duty at that time of night was not so competent or helpful. Standing on the sidewalk sobbing at 3am after trying to explain to idiots that you NEED a room, somewhere, anywhere is not fun. A phone call to confirm everything would have solved it. My husband even asked if we’d confirmed the room and I blew him off, “everything’s good to go!” Le sigh.

  14. lovely, magical, wonderful goodness. the FOOD!!! oh man, jane insisting that i pack a to-go box! (which i devoured in the car on the 6+ hour ride home!) and then jane telling everyone “i love this girl” – it’s because i brought those cannolis. your friends were so lovely. i miss that weekend already. a million thank yous to you and sean.

  15. Beautiful wedding! I’m very impressed with all your DIY!

    As a newlywed myself, who did a lot of her own DIY, I know how much time and effort you put into your big day. Great work!

    I’m an event planner by day and really took a lot on for the wedding. I did delegate the week leading up and am so THANKFUL for incredible friends who pulled it all together. However, I wish I had thought to have a day of coordinator so I could have relaxed a bit more!!

    A friend did all of our flowers which were dahlia’s we had hand picked from a local farmer the day before. They were goregous! However, we had been told that they would wilt fast, so the wedding party didn’t have them on for our formal pics. In the end, I wish we had them on then and for the ceremony and then dealt with wilting at reception. Instead, they were perfect all day long! I had my bouquet for the pics, but my groom didn’t have his boutinerre – oh well!

    I wanted to fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants…and didn’t think we needed a rehearsal. I wish we had done a bit more before the ceremony so our attendants didn’t feel unsure of what they were doing. It came together nicely in the end…

    We forgot the Indian Wedding Vase for the ceremony which I was bummed about…however, we had fast thinking friends who incorporated a bottle of wine with our DIY labels for the reading/ceremony! Funny and quirky – there’s a pic floating around out there of me (the bride) drinking out of a bottle at the “alter!”

    Instead of a cake we did donuts from our fave dairy here in town. They looked BEAUTIFUL on an assortment of cake plates in varying heights. The only downer is that we didn’t do the traditional “cake cutting” or feeding each other a donut. In fact, the groom didn’t even eat one that day!

    We forgot about doing toasts!!! Neither our parents or Best Man/Maid-of-Honor (who was also my MOM!) got a chance to toast. They didn’t remind us either, so maybe all is well.

    I did a dance with my father, but didn’t get around to one with my Mom which I had been looking forward to. In fact, I spent a LONG time compiling music on our iPod instead of a DJ and no one really danced. I’ll blame it on mid-day and chilly weather??

    All in all, it was incredible…I just wished it had lasted a bit longer!

Leave a Reply