So I freak out about wedding planning a lot, and pretty much every day I think; “We can’t do this! It’s too much money! It’s too much stress! I want more time!”
But, I’m almost 35, we want to try for babies, and I feel past my prime enough being a 34 year old bride. Is that crazy? Well, it’s how I feel! Plus, we already feel married, & we’re super impatient to GET MARRIED!! and get on with our lives. I need to remember that this planning time is totally amazing. Savor it!
So, what do I find fun about the process of being engaged? Besides being with the love of my life, duh. This isn’t one of those crazytalk “being married is better” lists, but a way for ME to keep my spirits up when I feel a little overwhelmed by all the tasks. Let me know your favorite things, too!
1. We ask each other “Will you marry me?” several times a day. It never gets old. I’m not sure what we’ll do once we’re married!
2. Totally amazing internet bride ladies / wedding blog ladies who I never would have met. It’s so great, I really feel like we’re a community and I cannot wait to see their weddings!!
3. Shop ladies are nice when you mention the “Wedding” word. I get to try on pretty things I could NEVER EVER afford, and the aforementioned shop ladies let me touch fancy things.
4. I get this crazy giddy belly feeling when I look at other people’s wedding photos or think about walking into my woods all sparkling with wedding-decor!
5. My boss emails me Godzilla-in-a-veil photos right when I’m about to stab someone at work, which makes me laugh.
6. Lists. I LOVE LISTS. A LOT. And spreadsheets. What? This is why I’m a good project manager. I’m just not so good when it involves me standing up in front of people in a dress. But it sure is fun to write those lists.
7. Honeymoon planning. Ireland!! We found such good deals from the east coast, whoa!! I hung a postcard of Ireland over my desk and I zone out on it for calming times. Or I look at the hotel websites. Castles!!!!
8. Families all pitching in! His mom sends us tons of platters and plates and finds from all over! It’s hit and miss how my mother and I get along, so it’s been really bonding to call her with wedding issues and she’s already planning for when I show up a week from the wedding with my dress half made going “MAMA!! FIX IT!!” (What was that about being 34? Shhhhh now.)
(my parents engagement shots are the cutest ever.)
9. I’m learning even more about his aesthetic/process for planning. So cute. Look at his tumblr! The wedding really is this little microcosm of how you’ll build a life together — do we want banquet tables, or casual picnics? I keep getting flashes of the future, and I like what I see!
10. We are really, really, really going to be ready to HAVE A GIANT PARTY with all our loved ones and stuff our faces and drink cocktails and go crazy at the end of all this madness!
Jane Flanagan
1 year ago
Eeep! You’re going to Ireland for your honeymoon!? I want to tell you everywhere to go!
verhext
1 year ago
Please do! I haven’t been since 1995. We only have 6 days though. We’re flying to Dublin and renting a car.
We’re staying in 3 places – 3 days, 2 days, 1 day.
http://www.solislougheskecastle.ie, http://www.abbeyglen.ie, http://www.themorgan.com, respectively.
I want to go back to Sligo Abbey, and we want to wander the seaside and hope for rain and mist and atmospheric madness! Then drink tea and whiskey by the fire!!
Jane Flanagan
1 year ago
Great choices! I’ll work on a blog post for ya
Les
1 year ago
I know somebody who lives in Sligo! Her family owns the village pub. She’s in NYC for the next few weeks/months, though.
My mom was 38 when I was born and 40 when she had my brother. The doctors told her there was no chance, blahblahblah. You’ll be fine with the baby having.
Congratulations and best wishes and that.
SJ
1 year ago
I love all of this. Especially #1.
kc
1 year ago
Hm, well I can say one of my favorite, silly things about being married (YAY) now is we call each other Husband and Wife all the time and it makes me giggle like a 10 year old school girl. It’s almost vomit inducing, like: I can’t wait to come home and see you HUSBAND! or What do you want to do this weekend, WIFE. Ridiculous. Love it.
Definetly my favorite parts of being engaged were finding this little blog community and watching all the people we love come together the week of our wedding.
I’m in the same want babies/time is running out boat too. And realistically we want to wait at least a year but then I’ll be 34 and my doc is not making me feel super positive about my chances. Ah, life.
verhext
1 year ago
Cute!!
I had major uterine surgery in December, so yeah, I don’t have the greatest chances. And I’d love to be married without kids for awhile – but I don’t think we want to risk not TRYING. Who knows if it’ll even work!
Have you gone to more than one doctor? I started getting that “you better be having babies NOW” at 26 because of all my damn issues.
kc
1 year ago
I haven’t mainly because I love my doc, but may when we are more serious about this whole thing. She thinks my chances are decent if we start trying within the next couple of years as my problems will get worse over time. Though I’m glad I didn’t get married in my 20s, mainly because I had so much growing up to do, I wish we had the luxury of putting if off like brides in their 20s do.
scully
1 year ago
We’re coming up on our 8th anniversary and we still ask each other “will you marry me?” usually when one of us has come out of the shower and helps the other put their wedding band back on.
But you’ve seen us making out in town, so you know we’re weird.
verhext
1 year ago
Awww, you guys are too cute!
Shilo
1 year ago
I was only engaged for a short time before getting married (like, 2.5 weeks) but we both fully relished telling people “WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!!!” and then drinking the resulting champagne that was inevitably purchased for us.
I love your number 10 best. I’m sure you don’t need anyone to tell you this, but yeah! go wild! Ours got to that point of cliche wedding party drunk that someone did the worm. It was awesome.
Chin up about the baby issues, a close friend of mine expected to be totally infertile due to her multiple surgeries, ownership of only 1 ovary, and advanced age of 36. She had a bun in her over after 3 months of trying. You really never know.
Becky
1 year ago
7 years on we’re still asking eachother “will you marry me?” all the time. SO GO YOU, I’m so happy for you I could peeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Also, I have the same picnic basket! It was grandma’s and all my easter goodies were always hidden in it my whole life.
verhext
1 year ago
I can’t BELIEVE you’ve been married 7 years! I remember when you met! And we were like “where did she find her secret twin!? wtf!?!?”
Dani
1 year ago
“Plus, we already feel married, & we’re super impatient to GET MARRIED!! and get on with our lives.”
I so hear that! That is exactly how Annie and I felt about it. I felt like that even when I was just saving up to get engaged and it was driving me crazy!
Sometimes I do still propose to her but mostly I just thank her for marrying me.
Ms. Bunny
1 year ago
We ask each other to marry us too on a regular basis. I agree with you that there are some definite up sides to being engaged. Sometimes we want to just be married so badly and we get bogged down with stress we forget to enjoy them.
Mouse
1 year ago
I love you, Verhext dear. You have just reminded me that what I am doing is planning a giant party. Whee!
Becca
1 year ago
Aw. I love this list. We turn to each other about once a day and say “guess what? I’m going to MARRY you.” Maybe we’ll run around and say “guess what? we’re MARRIED,” once it happens.
Also, you are so right about how we’re getting a glimpse of how we jointly see the future (nature-filled, casual, community-oriented, FUN) and I like it. I like it a lot. And I like the party that’s embodying it all a lot too. And I like the people I’m meeting via wedding blogging too. And I pretty much just wanted to chime in and say I agree with it all, apparently (even the tumblr-for-him!). Except for the Godzilla-in-a-veil photos. I WISH my boss would send me those.
Fiona
1 year ago
Dublin yay! My home. Here’s my favourite bits for what it’s worth. Top Choice Romantic fancy but not snooty restaurant: http://www.winding-stair.com/ The Winding Stair, overlooking the River Liffey and Ha’penny Bridge. Also L’Gueleton, Pichet, the Mermaid Café. Top Choice Value Restaurant: Yamamori. Also Odessa, Milano, Green 19. Top Choice casual lunch: The Cake Café. Vintage eco chic, organic lunch and proper cakes. Also Nude, Avoca, Lemon, Cornocopia. For a picnic: Fallon & Byrne, Avoca, Marks & Spencer, Blazing Salads. Favourite Bar: the one with no name above Hogans. Also Hogans, the Globe, the Long Hall, the Market bar. These are all more or less on South Great Georges St, along with L’Gueleton and Yamamori. Walk/picnic: The Iveagh Gardens, sweetly dilapidated 19thC formal gardens seriously just 2 minutes from the top of Grafton St. Also Merrion Sq (heart of Georgian Dublin), Botanic Gardens, St. Stephen’s Green, Sandymount Beach, South Wall (an old stone pier jutting for a mile out of Dublin Bay, got to drive to it though) and Phoenix Park. If you go to Phoenix Park ask a Park Ranger to point you in the direction of the herds of deer roaming freely in the park. Then definitely go for a whiskey in the gorgeous Victorian pub Ryans of Parkgate Street just outside the gates of the park. Picnic food: Fallon & Byrne, Avoca, Blazing Salads, Marks & Spencer. Dancing: Rí Rá, the Sugar Club, Pod, Sin é, Odessa (officially a private club but this is mostly ignored). Live music: Whelans and the Sugar Club. Do be careful about parking in Dublin. Check the parking signs on each street, particularly because parking is forbidden at certain times of the day and ok at others. Either way, you have to pay for a ticket and you’ll totally get clamped if you don’t (€80 fine).The Dublin Bike Scheme is great too. http://www.dublinbikes.ie/Subscription/The-3-Day-Ticket/3-Day-Ticket-Users Also, Connemara and Donegal, oh wow. PERFECT.
verhext
1 year ago
Haha! Wow!! Thank you! We’ll only be in Dublin for maybe 16 hours (including sleeping), though, the flight leaves early the next morning! Yikes! Looks like we need a whole other trip!
Audrey
1 year ago
Your post is (as always) inspiring! i have been engaged to the *most* awesome person for, ahem, four years now (yes, living together for 8 total, talk about feeling married!)–i know, get on with it already–as soon as i finish my PhD i keep saying…but yes, i am 36 and the baby clock is pounding away. i say, never fear. what is meant to be will be!!! and PS– you have made me realize i shouldn’t dread the wedding planning (although i do dread arguing with my mom over it, ha!)so, thanks–and BON CHANCE!
Samantha
1 year ago
Now my new mission is to get engaged just for the list-making
Seriously, way to break down the perks. I look forward to seeing your wedding pictures!
Kitty
1 year ago
Well, if it makes you feel any better…I’m one of those” If you’re going to have a baby, you have to do it in the next 6 months (mom had major lady-surgery) ” kids…and lookit how I turned out!!!
Ro
1 year ago
Awww this is so sweet!
Its so funny when people say they want to visit Ireland! I’d love to go to America, haha
oxo
Lil
1 year ago
Very Sweet! I like the mix of banquet tables and picnic casual. Congrats on your engagement!
Isabella
1 year ago
Hi! I’ ve been reading your blog for some time, as my daughter thought you look like a younger version of myself, and that we like the same things aswell. That may or may not be true, but I like a lot of what I read and see.
My husband and I went to Ireland for our 20th wedding anniversary a year ago( you see, we do think in a similar way), as I always has looked upon Ireland as a truly magical place. I had never been there before, and it was absolutely everything I expected it to be, and even more. The green landscape, the heather, the music, the oysters, Guiness ,pubs, music and dance. And the people.. I thought I would recommend Lissadell not far from Sligo – Not a very big castle, but a very interesting history with strong women and lovely gardens. http://www.lissadellhouse.com/
mary katherine
1 year ago
i get giddy thinking about getting engaged just reading your blog. it makes me so happy & i can’t wait! & can’t wait to see pics from your wedding!
eliza
1 year ago
Ahh, this list makes me happy! Just wanted to chime in and say, my mum had one ovary removed when she was 17 or so, and went on to have four kids including TWINS (and not the kind where the egg splits, either, so her one ovary was doing overtime!) Reproductive systems are funny things – good luck with yours
Marianne
1 year ago
We’ve been married for two years, and we say “Wow, we have so lot in common, we should totally get married or something!” “Yeah, oh wait, what’s this shiny thing on my finger – and yours too? It looks like we’re already married.” And then we smile, hug and kiss of course. Good luck on the rest of the planning, and on the baby making
verhext
1 year ago
That is so adorable.
Timmie
1 year ago
You should go to Doolin. Celtic capital ( real deal )
scattered ruins over rolling greens by cliffs, and benign cows .
do the cliffs of mohair the illicit way…
Trust me
Stephanie
1 year ago
I just found your site and love it. As for the What will we say after we get married? question. We got married nearly 2 years ago and we constantly say, “Hey, remember when we got married and it was awesome?” It is totally true.
Elisa
1 year ago
I’ve been married for 9 months and still have APW in my reader (although none of the other wedding blogs survived the cut)… which is how I got here… But #1 on your list – we totally still do that shit. And somehow, even though the idea might have made me want to puke once upon a time, it’s freaking cute now, and I love it.
Good luck keeping yer unmarried shit together. It’ll be fine, I’m sure. Actually, I’ll bet it’ll be awesome (see #10).
Michelle
1 year ago
I got engaged a few months ago and I’m not getting married for a couple years yet, but I’ve gotta say I totally LOVE being engaged. I’m such a dork like that! I love the planning process (this might change as the date gets closer and I stress out more) and the reading through wedding blogs, etc and dreaming up for ideas for our awesome lovefest/dance party/awesome ceremony. Plus it’s made us closer too, I think!
verhext
1 year ago
I’m so jealous of long engagements! as much as it’s been stressful, I feel like if it was longer i’d enjoy it more. but i’m getting old! i wanna get married!
ElfPuddle
1 year ago
We’ve been engaged for 14 months, and don’t have a wedding date in sight. We would if we could, but…well, real life isn’t always pretty, and even fairy tales have rough spots.
I’m jealous of short engagements because they can just do it.
On the other hand, we frequently propose to each other, and give sugar shock to everyone who sees us together (real life and facebook), so it could be a whole lot worse.
BTW, I got here from your post on APW, and fell in love. Thank you!!! Thank you for this wonderful place of yours. I feel very at home.